# Physicists are joking

• News from the world of nuclear physics: the stomach of a kitten does not have more than a thimble, therefore, those two liters of milk that he can drink in an hour are in his stomach at a pressure of 50000 atmospheres, which is ten times the pressure in the epicenter of a nuclear explosion.

• Two theorists walk in the forest. They meet a bear. The first ran, the second remained.

- They ran! - Shouts the first second.

- Why? My speed is still less than the speed of a bear. - says the second.

- It does not matter that your speed is less than the speed of a bear, it is important that my speed is greater than yours. - answers the first.

• With his mouth open, Ivan Petrovich listens to his wife, so that the pressure on the eardrums from the outside and inside is the same...

• There are somehow a physicist and a mathematician. The physicist asks:

- Listen why the train wheels round, and when he rides they are knocking.

- It's elementary, the physicist. The formula of the circle is pi R², so this square is just knocking.

• Meet the physicist of his friend, he says to him:

- I heard a cool anecdote here: "The mouse is running along the edge of the cliff: pi-pi-pi-ah-ah-ah!!!".

- Well, what's special is the ordinary Doppler effect. - the physicist answers.

• The university rector looked at the estimate that the dean of the physical department had brought him, and, sighing, said:

- Why are physicists always demanding such expensive equipment? For example, mathematicians ask only money for paper, pencils and erasers.

- And philosophers, they are even better. They do not even need erasers.

• Conversation of two friends:

- You know, I calculated the speed of moving my wife to the store!

- Well, what is it?

- 200 dollars per hour!

• In the physics exam, the teacher decided to look at the student's abstract, is surprised to find blank pages and naturally asks why.

- How, - the student answers - you said to write only smart thoughts...

• The examiner asks the student: - Tell me how the transformer works.

- Sh-Sh-Sh.

- Two. Wrong. The transformer works like this: yy.

• In the educational institutions there is an exam in electrical engineering.

At the university the question in the ticket: "In what is the current measured?" There are three answers: "1. in amps, 2. in kilograms, 3. in decibels".

In the university: "Is the current strength measured in amperes?" Answers: "1. Yes, 2. No, 3. Difficult to answer".

In the military school: "The current strength is measured in amperes!" Answers: "1. That's for sure; 2. No way."

• There is an anecdote that the famous physicist Max Planck urged everyone: an ordinary tea cup has two pens, and not one, as it seems to us. Simply they are deployed relative to each other not by 180 degrees (as, say, a pan), but by 360...

• Do you know the name of the great Indian physicist?

- Left Hand! (The author of the rule of the Left Hand).

• At the terminal station, the conductor examines the wagons and One sees a sleeping student on the bench, and next to it lies the Landau book: "Theory of the field".

The conductor wakes the student:

- Well get up, agronomist, have arrived!

• - What is an electric current? The teacher asked. - What does it look like?

An eccentric came up and said:

- For lazy: he always tries to go where it's easier.

• - Why do not you understand anything? The upset mother rebuked her son. - As if the words come in one ear, and go out into another.

Then came a crank and said:

- This is impossible. Sound is not in the void.