Physicists are joking
News from the world of nuclear physics: the stomach of a kitten does not have more than a thimble, therefore, those two liters of milk that he can drink in an hour are in his stomach at a pressure of 50000 atmospheres, which is ten times the pressure in the epicenter of a nuclear explosion.
Two theorists walk in the forest. They meet a bear. The first ran, the second remained.
- They ran! - Shouts the first second.
- Why? My speed is still less than the speed of a bear. - says the second.
- It does not matter that your speed is less than the speed of a bear, it is important that my speed is greater than yours. - answers the first.
With his mouth open, Ivan Petrovich listens to his wife, so that the pressure on the eardrums from the outside and inside is the same...
There are somehow a physicist and a mathematician. The physicist asks:
- Listen why the train wheels round, and when he rides they are knocking.
- It's elementary, the physicist. The formula of the circle is pi R², so this square is just knocking.
Meet the physicist of his friend, he says to him:
- I heard a cool anecdote here: "The mouse is running along the edge of the cliff: pi-pi-pi-ah-ah-ah!!!".
- Well, what's special is the ordinary Doppler effect. - the physicist answers.
The university rector looked at the estimate that the dean of the physical department had brought him, and, sighing, said:
- Why are physicists always demanding such expensive equipment? For example, mathematicians ask only money for paper, pencils and erasers.
And, after thinking, he added:
- And philosophers, they are even better. They do not even need erasers.
Conversation of two friends:
- You know, I calculated the speed of moving my wife to the store!
- Well, what is it?
- 200 dollars per hour!
In the physics exam, the teacher decided to look at the student's abstract, is surprised to find blank pages and naturally asks why.
- How, - the student answers - you said to write only smart thoughts...
The examiner asks the student: - Tell me how the transformer works.
- Sh-Sh-Sh.
- Two. Wrong. The transformer works like this: yy.
In the educational institutions there is an exam in electrical engineering.
At the university the question in the ticket: "In what is the current measured?" There are three answers: "1. in amps, 2. in kilograms, 3. in decibels".
In the university: "Is the current strength measured in amperes?" Answers: "1. Yes, 2. No, 3. Difficult to answer".
In the military school: "The current strength is measured in amperes!" Answers: "1. That's for sure; 2. No way."
There is an anecdote that the famous physicist Max Planck urged everyone: an ordinary tea cup has two pens, and not one, as it seems to us. Simply they are deployed relative to each other not by 180 degrees (as, say, a pan), but by 360...
Do you know the name of the great Indian physicist?
- Left Hand! (The author of the rule of the Left Hand).
At the terminal station, the conductor examines the wagons and One sees a sleeping student on the bench, and next to it lies the Landau book: "Theory of the field".
The conductor wakes the student:
- Well get up, agronomist, have arrived!
- What is an electric current? The teacher asked. - What does it look like?
An eccentric came up and said:
- For lazy: he always tries to go where it's easier.
- Why do not you understand anything? The upset mother rebuked her son. - As if the words come in one ear, and go out into another.
Then came a crank and said:
- This is impossible. Sound is not in the void.
